Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Great Expectations Part 2

              Girls, let’s face it.  There are not very many of us that are totally and completely content with our lives as they are.  I’ve never met anyone that could tell me they loved their life so much, that there wasn’t one single thing about it they would ever want to change.  And if I ever did hear someone say that I would probably assume they were fibbing.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we all have terrible lives.  I certainly don’t have a terrible life.  In fact, I have a pretty good life.  But, I’m not wholly and absolutely happy all the time.  Sometimes I feel like I have huge voids in my life.  Since I’m single I find myself quite often blaming my discontent on being single.  I’ve heard a lot of girls doing this same thing.  And along with that comes the idea that “if I had a husband I’d be happy.”  I’d have someone to talk to.  Someone who understands me.  I’d feel like I had a purpose in life. 

                 This is a very dangerous way to think.   Of course we girls should long for marriage.  It’s a very good and proper thing to desire.  We’re supposed to desire it. But, marriage is not a cure-all for what-ails-you.  If you’re struggling with something in your life, don’t just chalk it up to your lack of a significant other.  Dig a little deeper.  Find the real reason and deal with it.  If you don’t, it will be all that much harder to deal with later when you are married.  Once you are married you are responsible for so much more than just yourself.  Everyone and everything you are responsible for will suffer for your buried issues. 

                  Imagine this.  You have a bitterness buried deep in your heart, and all your single years you refuse to deal with it.  You assume that the real reason you are unhappy and discontent is that you are lonely.  Someday a handsome prince comes into your life.  He is just wonderful, everything you’ve ever wanted in a husband.  He sweeps you off your feet.  You get married in June.  You are happy for a while.  But, then something happens that upsets you.  He says something insensitive.  He doesn’t mean to, but he’s human, after all.  He makes mistakes.  But, you are hurt.  All the old bitterness comes to the surface.  Suddenly, whatever little thing it was that upset you to begin with blows up into a huge issue.  He doesn’t know what he did that caused you to get so riled up, and you are mad that he is so insensitive that he doesn’t know.  You’re certainly not going to pour salt in your own wound by spelling it out for him.  So, you stomp out of the room and slam the door.  Icy silence for a few hours.  Or days maybe.  You’re not happy, He’s not happy, the kids aren’t happy…  When Mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy… right? 

                Girls we need to be so careful in our expectations.  It’s not fair to our future husbands.  We can’t expect them to be perfect.  We can’t expect them to be able to take away all of our unhappiness and give us happiness, we can’t expect them to solve all of our problems.  They can’t.  They’re just men.  Just human beings like us. 

I’m not saying we shouldn’t have expectations.  We should.  But, we need to expect reality.  Not utopia. 

BUT, the good news is:  there is a utopia for us! 

God has Great Expectations for us too:

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 

               The really good news is:  God actually can fill all of our voids.  He can help us with our bitterness.  He understands us, He’s always there for us to talk to, and He can give us a purpose in life.  In fact, He gave us our lives to begin with.  Without Him we wouldn’t even have life. 

Psa 62:5  My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.

Pro 23:18  For surely there is an end; and thine expectation shall not be cut off.

Pro 24:14  So shall the knowledge of wisdom be unto thy soul: when thou hast found it, then there shall be a reward, and thy expectation shall not be cut off.


Mamselle Clare Duroc November 12, 2008 at 2:02 PM  

Very true words.

Often the statement: "You need to learn how to be content in singleness," is interpreted to mean that you have to shut out the desire to be married, and I think this is an unfair interpretation.

We need to find contentment in singleness because we need to submit ourselves to God's Will, and learn how to serve Him even in the tough times. Of course marriage is a beautiful thing, and we will desire it and rejoice in it if it comes to us... but if we spend all our single years getting in the habit of complaining about the Here and Now, that habit will come up when the Here and Now is Married Life, and cause problems for us and our spouses.

And though I've never thought of it before, what you say is true... it's an awful burden on that mysterious fellow out there, to place all our hopes of happiness in him. If he knew the unrealistic expectations we have of him, perhaps we'd never get married. ;)

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