Broken Hearts

"A sacrifice unto God is a broken spirit; a heart that is broken and humbled God will not despise."
Psalm 51, Prayer Book, Jordanville translation

Why do we wait? Why do we not just go out into the world and date whoever we like for however long? Many times we will say it is because we are saving ourselves for our future husband. This is an admirable decision. But sometimes people will say that they believe in waiting, believe in courtship or "dating with a purpose" to save them from a broken heart.

While this attitude is understandable, I think we have to ask whether it comes from God or from a selfish desire to avoid pain. But our hearts will be broken. They will be broken by friends, by co-workers, by family, by the times we live in, by characters in books--and I do not believe this is a bad thing. When our hearts are broken we learn to turn to God. We learn to share the pain of others. If we walk through the world untouched by those around us, we are not really following God's will.

Now, I am not advocating that we go out and open our hearts up to every young man we meet. I'm not advocating that we abandon the courtship/dating with a purpose ideal. What I am advocating is an end to the idea that courtship will somehow save us from a broken heart and that this is a good thing. Courtship is not a guarantee that our lives will be safe and happy. I wouldn't want it to be because God did not ask that our lives be safe and happy. He asked that our lives be His.

Part of the reason I think it is important to look at this issue squarely is that the idea that courtship prevents broken hearts has a corollary: If you have a broken heart, you did it wrong somehow. This idea is so destructive. It leads to so much shame and guilt where instead there should be a turning to God for healing and love. Sometimes hearts are broken through no fault of their own. I know it sounds wrong and unfair, but it is the truth. And to add blame to that pain is wrong.

I know I've been a little harsh in this post. But there is hope out there. Remember, "a heart that is broken and humbled, God will not despise." It hurts. And yet God is there, to turn all our sorrow to joy, to "wipe all tears from every face," according to one Orthodox prayer. His grace can turn our dross to gold.

Read more...

The pain in the heart

It’s been a rough couple of months. Not so much for me personally, though there have been moments, but for those around me. My friends, my online friends, my online acquaintances, friends of friends—it seems like everywhere I turn there’s someone hurting, someone who needs a hand.

In the face of so much pain, what can we do? Sometimes I feel utterly helpless, as if any words or actions on my part will seem trite and insincere. Sometimes I can only cry out, “Lord have mercy. Lord send us grace.” But there are things I can do. I can be a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to. I can say what’s in my heart, even if it’s been said again and again. I can send surprise packages to those who least expect it. These things are little gestures. They won’t erase the sorrow. But if they can lighten it just a bit, then I will do what I can.

There are things I do believe. I believe that God has mercy, that He can heal the impossible. I believe that grace can be found in the worst situations.

I'd like to close with a prayer from my tradition of Christianity, Eastern Orthodoxy.

"Turn not away from the torrent of my tears, O Virgin, thou who didst give birth to Christ, who doth wipe away all tars from every face."

Supplicatory Canon to the Mother of God, Ninth Ode

Read more...