Doorsteps

Some of you might already know what I mean by that, particularly those who were there when it was coined. I'm afraid I can't take credit for the saying and I can't remember who was the first to start saying it, but among a small group of single girls that phrase is significant.

I believe in doorsteps. I believe that God can create miracles in a place that is barren. I believe that God is powerful and if it is His will, the right man could show up on my doorstep.

So many times I have heard people admonishing singles to get out! Get looking! Stop sitting around and waiting!

And I agree, to an extent.

We shouldn’t just sit around, twiddling our thumbs. We should do what we can with what we have, where we are, whether it be folding laundry and helping out at home, working in an office, or going to school. Neither should we turn up our noses at opportunities to make friends with guys or avoid social events where young men might be. However, to be quite honest, I have to say that I believe it to be a rare few girls who actually do that.

Some of us are living in places where there are no eligible young men. Maybe all the good ones are taken. Maybe none share the same convictions as we do. Maybe none are old enough or ready for marriage. And maybe some are just not paying attention to all the young women who are waiting to be asked.

It's hard during a dry period, where you feel hemmed in and without hope on the horizon. It's hard to hear people tell you that if you just did A, B, and/or C, you'll meet a guy, because that doesn't always happen and sometimes A, B, and C aren't possible. It's hard to hang onto hope.

And that's where believing in doorsteps comes in.

Believing in doorsteps means opening the door – to hope. God is a God of hope and miracles and He would never have us lose hope. He would never have us doubt His abilities, never believe that anything is too impossible for Him. Even granting a single girl a husband, when she has been waiting so long.

I don’t expect my Dym – as I have begun to call that man who I have yet to meet, but hope to marry someday – to necessarily show up on my doorstep. I don’t expect a husband to fall into my living room while I wait in my own little corner.

I live life. I work. I laugh. I dance. I sing. I live. I don’t pin my hopes on every man that crosses my path because…I believe in doorsteps. I believe that God is in control and He knows which man may be my Dym. I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to wait twiddling my thumbs or go out on an epic mission searching for a man. God has the master plan and that’s enough for me.

And so, I hope. I hope, I live, I work, I pray, I wait…and believe in doorsteps.

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Snapshot of the Week

I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.
Song of Solomon 2:1

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Intimacy With Christ

(written January 9th, 2007)
Sunday morning I was getting ready for church and I realized that I'd forgotten to read my Bible. Well there wasn't time so I grabbed "My Utmost For His Highest" it's always sitting by my bed. I thought "I'll just read the section for today, then I'll have a some Bible anyway." Well, I read it, and proceeded to think about it then whole rest of the day. It was really quite thought provoking.

January 7 -Intimate with Jesus

Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known Me? - JOHN 14:9

These words are not spoken as a rebuke, nor even with surprise; Jesus is leading Philip on. The last One with whom we get intimate is Jesus. Before Pentecost the disciples knew Jesus as the One Who gave them power to conquer demons and to bring about a revival (see Luke 10:18-20). It was a wonderful intimacy, but there was a much closer intimacy to come - "I have called you friends." Friendship is rare on earth. It means identity in thought and heart and spirit. The whole discipline of life is to enable us to enter into this closer relationship with Jesus Christ. We receive His blessings and know His Word, but do we know Him? Jesus said, "It is expedient for you that I go away"- in a relationship, so that He might lead them on. It is a joy to Jesus when a disciple takes time to step more intimately with Him. Fruit bearing is always mentioned as the manifestation of an intimate union with Jesus Christ.

(John 15:1-4). When once we get intimate with Jesus we are never lonely, we never need sympathy, we can pour out all the time without being pathetic. The saint who is intimate with Jesus will never leave impressions of himself, but only the impression that Jesus is having unhindered way, because the last abyss of his nature has been satisfied by Jesus. The only impression left by such a life is that of the strong clam sanity that Our Lord gives to those who are intimate with Him.

(The underlined part is what spoke the most to me.)

At church two different people both spoke about fortifications in our lives. Fortifications
that are held by Satan and the only way to conquer it was with God. O.k. kinda. I'm not relaying it correctly. This is what I wrote in my notebook: There are places in our souls that are fortifications can only be conquered by God. We have to submit ourselves to him and let him into those/that place in our soul. So, that's had me thinking for a while....

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Ponderings

I've been thinking alot lately about life in general.

About the confusion, the struggle to know what to do with my life. The wondering if I'm making the right decisions. The wondering why everything has to be so difficult.

Often I find myself wishing God would just throw a slip of paper down from heaven telling me what to do with my life. Giving me step-by-step instruction on how it's to be accomplished. It would be so much easier, right? Just spell it all out and I'll do it!

But really, would I do it? If I can't trust Him enough to step out on faith in the direction He's laid on my heart now, what makes me think I would do it if He spelled it all out?

I look at my life and ponder what to do with it, and I think, "Oh, this is so hard. This is so confusing!"

As though it shouldn't 'be.

But that's the point: is it supposed to NOT be hard?

I tend to have this mentality that if something is hard, it must not be what God wants of me. If something is difficult, if something doesn't make sense, it can't be of God. But that's the exact opposite of what Jesus said in John 16:33. Jesus guarantees we will have trouble. So why do I expect that everything will just lay itself all out in a neat little line for me? This world has trouble. It's not heaven. I seem to forget that it's not heaven. It's not home. I will always have struggles and conflicts. Trusting God doesn't necessarily mean things will become clear--it just gives me Someone Else to place the confusion on. I will still have to keep searching and praying, and seeking wisdom for my life .

It's like the widow in Luke 18--she kept persisting until she had an answer. I'm not saying God is unjust, please don't misunderstand--of course He is totally just. I'm just saying that often I find myself thinking all I have to do is pray a couple times about something, and poof, it'll happen, when in reality, we often must keep praying and praying and praying about it, persisting in prayer, persisting forward, until God gives an answer. We will have trouble in this world. It's just one more reminder that we don't belong here.

Of course our actions have consequences, but often I think we tend to forget that God is sovereign. He knew which action we would take before we took it. He's still in the business of orchestrating our lives, despite mistakes and regrets.

We sang Great Is Thy Faithfulness in my church recently, and as I was singing up in the choir loft the words of the chorus shot out at me "All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided."

He will supply my needs. He has supplied my needs. He does supply my needs. If I don't have something right now, perhaps it's because I don't need it at this point of my life?

Maybe some things will never make sense to me, but I don't see everything clearly in this life.
I see thru a glass darkly. The view is distorted by the world and body I live in. It's hard. It is. It's confusing.

But the wonderful part of it all in the last part of John 16:33, where Jesus says "Be of good cheer; for I have overcome the world." I can just see Jesus talking to His disciples, and telling them what all will happen. Their eyes getting bigger and bigger, fear and worry entering their hearts. I can see Him raising His hand to quell their fears, and saying in gentle kindness "But be of good cheer. For I have overcome the world."

In Him, we do have peace. This world and all its trouble cannot get the better of us, so to speak. He has already conquered it. I can know that though it doesn't make sense to me, it does to Him. I can know that even though it won't make the decisions necessarily easier, thru Him it does make them doable. And I can keep plugging forward, thru every stage of life, even, though sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, sit down, and cry till my eyes pop out. Through Him I can keep putting one foot in front of the other. Praising Him for the simple joys He brings into my life, the wonderful, precious reminders He loves to give me, reminding me of just how much He cares.

And how much He wants what is best for me.

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Thinking About Language

I've been taking Russian for the last three semesters. It's an interesting language to study because it's so much more subtle than English. Russian makes all kinds of distinctions that English doesn't bother with, or at least doesn't bother with anymore. For instance, if you're going somewhere on foot you use a different verb than if you're going somewhere by transport. And then there's the imperfective/perfective question: is this a repeated action or are you going to/have you done it one time and one time only? English really only uses "to go" in these situations. Well, I guess you can count "to drive" and "to ride," but that gets a bit iffy.

And then there's "where." English uses "where" for "Where are you?" and also "Where are you going?" and "Where are you coming from?" Russian uses a different word for each of these. My professor explained it in terms of where, whither, and whence. Which is interesting, because suddenly I understand so much better how both the Russian and the English words function. This is true of whom as well. Before I studied Russian I couldn't point out the direct object of a sentence to you and I don't know if I had even heard of indirect objects. But because Russian uses different cases for the subject, the direct object, and the indirect object, I can now figure out what they are in English. Most of the time.

Which leads me to this: sometimes the things we study make strange connections to entirely different areas. I mean, who knew that studying Russian would clarify English grammar for me? I guess there is some correlation there since they are both languages. But I just wrote a paper from my art history class which relied heavily on the ideas of the historian of religion Mircea Eliade, whose work I had first read in my Celtic Spirituality (Christianity, although it didn't say so) class first semester.

And leads me finally to this: let your mind make connections. We usually get our education in discrete packages: this is art history, this is math, this is English, this is Russian. We don't have to leave them in those discrete packages. Cut the string and let them be friends. Okay, yes that metaphor was a little strange. But you get the point. There are interdisciplinary connections. Explore them and see where it takes you.

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Solitude

I love my solitude. I love to be able to work and think without interruption.
It's a time of peace and rest for me.
Growing up in a large family I learned to crave time alone
like a rare and precious gift to be looked on as the jewel it is.
Certainly not to be misspent or wasted.

But sometimes I get lonely.
Sometimes, early in the morning
when I look at the day stretched out in front of me...
I feel like something important is missing.
Or, when I have a mini personal victory,
or a mini personal defeat
and I want to tell somebody who might understand.

I'm happy with my life.
Content.
I love my family and friends.
But, just because I'm happy does that mean
I can't look forward to the future?

Does that mean that sometimes,

when I'm quiet,
I shouldn't admit that
something is missing?

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Beauty in the Mistakes

Beauty in this world is not going to be perfect. We live in a flawed, sinful world that is and can be ugly. Things aren't going to look picture perfect and we ought not to expect them to - we as Christians should know that if anyone does.

But we still do.

And maybe it's mostly women who are like this, although there are men who have this mentality, too, I am sure, but we tend to think that if we do "this" and "that" a certain way, it's going to work out right and be perfect. It's an entitlement mentality, but sometimes a lot sneakier.

Taking a man's set of rules and following them to the letter isn't going to make it work out picture perfect. For instance, most girls want a beautiful "perfect" courtship. Some promoters of courtship lay down what they think are clear-cut guidlines to protecting the couple from falling into sin in any way. Don't do this, don't do that, do this, do that and so on.

All well and good. I believe that any couple in a relationship with marriage in view should have guidlines and guidance.

But. But. It doesn't mean it is always going to be beautiful.

It doesn't mean that your heart won't break.

But horror of horrors - is heartbreak such a dreadful thing as it is sometimes made out to be? Is it something sinful that must be avoided like the curse? Please believe me, I am not condoning going out and getting your heart broken! But, just because your heart gets hurt doesn't mean that it is the end of the world. Heartbreak happens every day. Children break parents' hearts. Parents break children's hearts. Siblings hurt each other, grandparents hurt grandchildren, friends hurt friends, and sometimes (imagine that!) husbands and wives hurt each other.

Heartbreak doesn't happen just between a man and a woman, a boyfriend and girlfriend, or husband and wife. It happens to just about anyone.

We all have regrets and we all wish sometimes that we could go back and undo things. The thing is, we can't. Even if we did our best to keep heartbreak from happening - but it still did - it still remains that we can't undo the past. Locking our hearts up doesn't always work, after all.

And maybe, just maybe, don't you think that the beauty of it all is that God can create something beautiful, something precious - for such true love is - out of all the mess we make with mistakes?

credit: artwork "The Broken Pot," by Henry Ryland

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