Have Mercy on Me

Dear Girls,

It's hard to write something encouraging when you're not being encouraged yourself.  Today I'm sharing with you something that has encouraged me when I was low.  Sometimes it helps to admit that we're afraid or that we're lost.  Sometimes when I'm discouraged the first thought that gives me any hope is the knowing that I AM discouraged.  God is bigger than my discouragement.  He's bigger than my life.  He has good plans for me.  And He has good plans for you.  There are days when I don't see Him moving.  There are days when I'll swear He's forgotten all about me.  But, all along that's only my own little mind that can't see Him.  It doesn't mean He isn't there.  Peter Marshall once said "How can my tiny mind prove God?"  

When I first heard this song I was in my car driving home from work.  It's a good thing I know that route like the back of my hand.  Tears were streaming down my face.  This song describes my life.  And the truth of it hurt my heart.  I've listened to this song many times since then.  But, I'll be honest.  There are times when it comes on my CD player and I push the 'skip' button.  Because I just can't handle it right then.  

I hope it encourages you too.  And I hope anyone reading this today knows that God cares about them more than they even care about themselves.  You may be worrying about your future, but God's not.  He's got it covered.  And if you're struggling with even believing that, than just know that I've been there too.  Many times.  There's nothing wrong with admitting that we have struggles, that we have doubts.  Sometimes I just feel like I have to be honest with God.  I tell Him exactly what I'm thinking.  I don't hold anything back.  I tell Him I'm afraid of everything.  I tell Him I wonder if He's still there.  I challenge Him to prove to me that He is.  

The amazing thing is: He always does.  Not always right away.  Sometimes I have to struggle more.  Sometimes I have to wait.  But, He ALWAYS DOES.  

I'm tired of being afraid

I'm wondering how I got this way

I'm trying to remember what life was like before

Panic moved in without even knocking on the door

Have mercy on me

I'm not who I used to be

Have mercy on me

Jesus please

I've been praying and asking you to take it all away

You never do exactly what I say

You see me from the outside

A lover looking in

But, all I see is danger moving underneath my skin

I know it's not because I don't love you enough

It's not because I'm weak, it's how you choose to speak to me

- J.J. Heller