Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Dry season

I've been sitting here, staring at the computer screen. Staring at the empty page. Wondering what to write. (It seems to be quite a theme for the IDD bloggers.)

There are days when I feel dry of words.

There are days when I feel dry of life.

On these days it's hard to trust. Hard to believe that everything will turn out all right. Our human frailties have messed it all up so much. Hard to believe that I, me, this person sitting here, is really of value. Hard to believe that there could be a 'soul-love' for me, somewhere out there. Hard to believe that any of my dreams will come true.

If I let myself, I can go into a serious tail-spin. But sometimes I have to catch myself and say: Wait. Stop. Think for a minute. And then I remember. "Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows."

Me. Sitting here. Struggling for words. Struggling with everything. It's a gift I can't possibly deserve, and yet I have it. And then there are the wonderful words of St. John Chrysostom, read every year at Pascha:

Let no one bewail his poverty,
For the universal Kingdom has been revealed.
Let no one weep for his iniquities,
For pardon has shown forth from the grave.
Let no one fear death,
For the Saviour's death has set us free.
He that was held prisoner of it has annihilated it.

If Christ is Risen, as I firmly believe, anything else can happen. God does love and care for each and every one of us.

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