"Rebecca, do you want more faith?"
The minister was talking to me. I took my eyes off the baby sleeping in my lap and looked up. Yep. Definitely talking to me. I nodded. Of course I want more faith. Of course.
The minister went on, but I got stuck on the faith thing.
More faith sure would come in handy. I do want more faith.
I've always struggled with trust issues. Ok, just go ahead and call me a worrywart. I totally deserve it.
Remember Deb's post a while back on Worry? Well, that post jumped off the screen and smacked me right on the forehead. As in "This is YOU, Rebecca! Listen up!" Especially since I had just had a conversation with a co-worker the week before on the same subject. My co-worker reminded me that "Worry is a sin. It's taking your situations out of God's hands and trying to take care of them yourself. It's the same as saying 'God, you can't handle this as well as I can." Ouch.
So, I acknowledge that I have a problem with this. I worry about EVERYTHING.
My job security, for instance, is not so secure. What if I lose my job? The economy's not so good right now, you know? What if I don't have enough money for rent? Or food? What if I have to move back home???? Ouch. That would be a blow to my pride. Or, what if I say something stupid sometime? (not that it's never happened before...:) Or, what if someone I love gets sick? Or hurt? Or, (here's a biggie) What if... I NEVER get married? And I can't support myself? And I never have children? And everything I've ever wanted never happens? What if... well.... there are certainly enough things to worry about.
So, I've had faith on the brain for a while now.
I keep remembering this song I sang as a child