Dreams

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.
- Priscilla Ahn, “Dream”

Dreaming comes easily for me. Dreaming is almost as natural as breathing. I suppose it comes like that for just about every little girl, for every woman. For me, as a writer, dreams are easily spun and hard to dissolve.

Dreams of a man who would capture my heart. Dreams of marrying young and a houseful of babies. Dreams of writing magnificent stories. Dreams of keeping a home. Dreams of sunshine, joy and grace. I certainly never dreamed of a desk in an office, of answering phones and making numbers match up neatly – numbers when math was never my forte! I never dreamed that I would be living at home yet still, much less sharing a small room with a sister. I never dreamed that words would still come difficult to me, that my fingers would stumble when dancing over the keys. I never dreamed…so very many things.

And so many dreams are still waiting unanswered. It’s true, God has replaced my dreams with wonderful things, with hard times that have borne fruit. And I’m still young. I still have plenty of time for dreaming.

Because, I still dream. I dream about a man who will capture my heart, about a little home of our own. Of children. Of that beautiful someday. I can’t help dreaming. But as I dream, I am learning that my dreams aren’t always God’s best for me. I’m learning to dream, but to also stop clinging to them.

After all, dreams are of tomorrows, but I have today. Today I am single. Today I work with numbers and answer phones, today I babysit my siblings and grit my teeth over the mess that comes from sharing a room with my sister, today I struggle with finding the words that don’t come easily. And as I live this life, I let God have my dreams – He knows them and knows best what to do with them.