Blessings

I rather had an epiphany the other day. I know this and I know I know this, but sometimes I forget. Or rather, disbelieve it.

Just because I'm not blessed with a particular something - or someone - that doesn't mean that I'm less worthy, that doesn't mean I'm a greater sinner or less of a person than my friends who have blessings that I have always desired - namely a husband.

The lack of a man in my life isn't an indication of how good a person I am. I don't have to earn brownie points with God in order to get a husband. God isn't looking down at me and saying, "Well, when Krista finally gets her ducks in a row and FINALLY trusts me with her life, well, then I can spring her special someone upon the scene."

God isn't like that. God doesn't award based on merits. God hasn't looked at my friend Stephanie and deemed her more worthy of a husband than I, based on her behavior and track record. He has given her a man right now and not me, for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but I know without a doubt that it isn't because she is more godly than I. I know that it isn't because He loves her more than me.

It's hard for me to remember this sometimes. If He loves me the same as so many of my friends, why does He bless them with things I've desired all my life, why does He bless friends with husbands when He has given me these desires - for I belive He has - for a reason? He loves me just as much as He loves them, but His love means that He knows everything and all the whys and wherefores.

I don't know the whys and wherefores, but I do know what thing: my lack of a husband isn't because I've screwed up in the past. My lack of a husband isn't because God doesn't love me as much as my friends.

And that is that, and that is all.